Posts in reverb11
reverb11: 3 wishes

3 Wishes - If a genie could grant you 3 wishes for 2012, what would they be? (Author: @amanda_hirsch )

I love these kinds of questions because I'm able to imagine a whole world of possibilities and it's magical. But instead of wishing for something completely outrageous and silly, I'm following my heart to what I really want and in no particular order.

1) I would wish for healing for my Grandmother or at least ease my father's burden with taking care of her. This could mean her being more open-minded to help or building routines to make things easier for everyone. 

2) A tending environment, particularly professionally, where I can try new things, make mistakes, be fostered and build on the success I've experienced so far. I also want to create this personally, and continue to grow and evolve in my relationships with others. 

3) Equal rights. 

reverb11: great expectations

Prompt:  Expectation: What is an expectation you fiercely held for 2011 that you wish to let go of before 2012? What steps are required to putting it to rest?

My entire life I have depended on the word SHOULD. I have been told what a young lady SHOULD do/say/be. If I could do/say/be those things then I would be enough to rescue us. I have also spent much of my rebellious teenagehood and reckless 20's working against expectations of what/who I SHOULD be. In one way or another, SHOULD has been some kind of gauge against which I could measure myself. 

I have always been concerned about familial expectations and obligations, sometimes too much so. I used SHOULD for validation and acceptance, but it wasn't always authentic. The SHOULDS rarely came from me.

My goal for 2012 is to relieve myself of the word SHOULD, to create, instead, a new set of expectations, ones that are achievable, realistic and not damaging to my ego. 

Years of a habit are hard to break, but expectations are not reality. They are what one aspires to, or hopes for and when they strangle and constrict, well, it's beyond time to let them go. 

I don't think expectations in and of themselves are bad or frought with trouble. But I do think we have to be careful with them by making them clear, particularly if we expect things of others. No one I know is a mind reader, and if I have expectations of people that I hold without being transparent about them, how will they ever manage to live up to them? Is it fair? No. Is it common? Yes. 

In 2012, as I have in previous years, I strive to be intentional. I want to understand my own reasons behind actions and try to make those clear to those around me. It isn't easy to do this because some days, I am a neurotic mess with no explanation of why I have done what I have just done while people in my life look on incredulously. But it's a goal I have, to meditate more, slow myself down long enough to be specific and intentional about the energy I project and receive. These kind of expectations, while great and often challenging, are at the very least, my own. 

reverb 11: Dreams for 2012

What are your dreams for next year? (Kaileen Elise

In a previous post, I said "In 2012, I will believe in hope, adventure, and falling even more in love. I can't imagine my life any other way." My dream for 2012 is to manifest this wish. I have been trying in the last year to dream BIGGER, to believe in the possibilities. 

2011 was full of challenges and facing some tough realities. In 2012, I would like some of my new dreams to come true. I dream of accomplishment, recognition and living and teaching somewhere new while continuing to stay connected to my friends. I dream of travel and lots of photography and finding a rhythm that keeps me in sync with responsibilities and love and fun. And honestly, I dream of making a difference in my students' lives, which is hokey even to me. But I'm on cold medicine and I desperately want to believe that I can affect change.

I did not always want to be a teacher. I fell into the path because of my friend, Maria, and my penchant for telling people what to do. My love of language and creative writing background were a bonus. I began to enjoying teaching when students' writing got better and when they opened themselves up to the world of language, persuasion, the possibilities for the written word. It's been a while since I felt so strongly about what I do. I see glimpses and glimmers every once in a while, but some of my optimism/naivete(?) is gone. In 2012, I'd like to get back some of the passion and joy I once felt toward my work. 

reverb11: more time

Prompt: Time: If you had 3 more hours in the day what would you do with them?  How do you want to spend your time in 2012? 

If I had 3 more hours in the day, I would spend 1 hour writing. I would spend 1 hour taking pictures.

And then I would cook. I've really gotten into cooking in the last few years and I always want to do more. In 2012, I want to cook more elaborate dishes. I want to try challenging recipes and bake a pie or attempt tiramasu. I want to cultivate a palette, to know what tastes good without measuring or thinking too hard about it. I want to make my plates beautiful and creative. But mostly, I want to cook for people and have conversations over wine. I want to go bed sated from our discussions and I want to relish in a meal well made.