Eleven Years Together

I don't know if most people still celebrate their dating anniversary once they are married, but any time I can find an occasion to celebrate the person I love, I take it. Here's my Four Years Post, Five Years , Seven Years Video, and last year, as we celebrated ten years of loving one another, I wrote this, and I still mean all of it today and more.

Michelle, 

I don't know that I can say anything better, or differently than I've already expressed. When I say that loving you is the easiest promise I keep, it isn't because love is easy, or because it is simple, but rather that with you in my life, with you at my side and in my heart, anything is possible. Loving you is easy because you are my compass, my anchor, the other half of me, my better, kinder half. The love I feel for you is just there, perched on my heart, whispering in my ear. I love you because of all the quirks and qualities that make up who you are. I love the way your eyes light up when you're about to smile. I love the way you see the world, how you make sense of it as I complicate it. 

I love the muscles in your back, how you shoulder the burdens of us, of others. I love that you love so deeply and fiercely. I love how you sleep, the sounds of your breaths, the curl of your body. 

*I can only begin to count (but never complete) all the ways I love you, the happiness I feel when we're driving in the car and your hand slips into mine, or how you make me laugh so hard that I can barely breathe. I love that you sing the absolute wrong words to songs and that you do not care. I love how little you know, or care to know about pop culture. I love that you can pack for a weekend in under 5 minutes while I obsess for at least 20 minutes, wondering if I have the right kind of shoes. I am glad we have geeky things in common, but I also appreciate all the ways you are different from me and all the ways you make me a kinder, more considerate person. 

In the years we have spent together we have shared heartache, loss, grief, distance, but we have also shared adventure, amazing food, great conversations, success, and lots of laughter. I remind you that life is messy and chaotic, and you show me that it's also beautiful and kind. I love the way that both big and small moments with you feel important. What I love most in the undercurrent of our lives is the shared language, sideways glances, the way you fit into my arms. No matter what is going on, the frustrations of my day, or how tired I feel, I know you are there. Even when you are not with me, you are in texts or chats, phone calls or just a feeling I get that you are in the world, doing whatever you are doing and also loving me. To be loved by you is a magnificent joy.

You are my great love. Every day I'm impressed by your toughness, your strength, your passion. You do not do things half-way but with your whole, full heart. You are my best everything, my favorite confidante, my best friend, my secret keeper, my source of comfort, and of understanding.

You are home.

All of me loves all of you. Every 2 seconds.

*from last year's letter

Ten Years Together

To the love of my life on our 10 year anniversary, 

Because you don't like that flowers are expensive and die so quickly and the thought of spending money on frivolous things like chocolate fruit makes you roll your eyes, and because we can't be together on our anniversary, I am using the gift of language to tell you that I cannot imagine myself without you. The timeline of events in my life is divided into before and after you. 

Ten years ago, I fell in love. I never dreamed I could have this kind of life, this kind of love. When I met you, I was unprepared for my depth of feeling, the way I liked you instantly, how you slipped through the walls I'd placed around myself so as not to get hurt. I never imagined I had the capacity to love someone so unselfishly. If I'm completely honest, I never expected I would feel loved like this. After ten years together, I am more in love with you, with our life than ever. I can only begin to count (but never complete) all the ways I love you, the happiness I feel when we're driving in the car and your hand slips into mine, or how you make me laugh so hard that I can barely breathe. I love that you sing the absolute wrong words to songs and that you do not care. I love how little you know, or care to know about pop culture. I love that you can pack for a weekend in under 5 minutes while I obsess for at least 20 minutes, wondering if I have the right kind of shoes. I am glad we have geeky things in common, but I also appreciate all the ways you are different from me and all the ways you make me a kinder, more considerate person. 

I love that you are a reader, that you are not afraid to speak your mind, to stand up for your beliefs. I love all your stories, and the way you tell them. I adore the way you say, "bullshit." You are fiercely and deeply loyal. You make me feel like I can accomplish all the things I want to do, even when I don't believe it, and you support those dreams even when it means making sacrifices. You are the gravity and meaning for all that I do. You make each day more vibrant and full.

You remain a mystery to me, even after all this time. I'm always curious what you're thinking. I am so expressive, and can feel numerous emotions in small spans of time and you are so even keeled that you can be hard to decipher. My neuroses and your laid-back nature are often at odds, and it makes you crazy how wound up I can get about minute and unimportant details. You are often my voice of reason. You are my compass, my North star. 

In the ten years we have spent together we have shared heartache, loss, grief, distance, but we have also shared adventure, amazing food, great conversations, success, and lots of laughter. I remind you that life is messy and chaotic, and you show me that it's also beautiful and kind. I love the way that both big and small moments with you feel important. What I love most in the undercurrent of our lives is the shared language, sideways glances, the way you fit into my arms. No matter what is going on, the frustrations of my day, or how tired I feel, I know you are there. Even when you are not with me, you are in texts or chats, phone calls or just a feeling I get that you are in the world, doing whatever you are doing and also loving me. To be loved by you is incredible.

You are my best everything, my favorite confidante, my best friend, my secret keeper, my source of comfort, and of understanding.

You are home.

All of me loves all of you.

And loving you is the easiest promise I will ever keep. Happy 10th Anniversary.