#reverb13: there is crying
Cry it out: What moment in 2013 brought tears to your eyes? Are you usually a crier? Or did tearing up take you by surprise?
I'm an emotional person. I cry at commercials, movie trailers, scenes in TV shows, really good books. I cry at odd times, sometimes, overwhelmed with emotions, even happy ones. I wasn't always this way. I was a happy kid and sadness often caught me off guard. I did not know what to do with it or how to process other emotions outside the ones for which I was praised. In my late teens and throughout my twenties, I shut down a lot of my emotions. It wasn't that I didn't cry, but I didn't like it when I did. I felt much more comfortable with anger. I wanted to be unburdened by sadness or fear. I wore anger and self-righteous indignation like a badge and refused any kind of complex relationships. My closest friends saw through my guise, and on rare occasions I let down my guard, it terrified me.
When I began falling in love with M, I realized that I was deeply emotional and that fighting who I was, made me feel unnecessary tension and conflict within myself, tension that eked out into my relationships. Embracing the range of emotions I could feel was not easy, but the alternative of feeling numb or being angry all the time wasn't serving me very well. I was, essentially, trying to deny that I was emotional when in reality, my emotions were my strength, even the messy ones.
Almost 10 years later, it's hard for me to imagine that there was ever a period of my life where I tried to resist crying. I am a marshmallow, and I am proud of it.
This summer I sobbed uncontrollably, having to pull off at an exit because I was driving, while listening to John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. It's one of the most beautiful stories I've ever experienced.
I cried most times I wrote about my Grandmother.
I cried when reading my student's essay on OCD and even more when she thanked me for helping her through the semester.
I cried watching the sunset in Florida.
I cried when I finished my first 5K and on other really difficult runs this year.
I'm sure there are plenty other times I cried; none of them surprised me. Like I said, I'm a total marshmallow.