maybe I do trust myself, after all
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I signed up several weeks ago to explore the topic of trust as part of the TDOY BlogLovin' Tour because I struggle with trust and have for a very long time. I figured that I would write about the ways in which I have trouble finding and then trusting my own voice, or the ways I feel like I want to trust people but end up second guessing them, which really leads back to the way I consider myself tough to trust. And how decisions I view as mistaken or poor decisions have a tendency to prove myself right about my own lack of instinct. But I've covered that ground before. This is not to be dismissive of that; I often fight self-doubt and second guessing. I wish I didn't. And maybe I don't have to.
While I feel strongly about things in which I believe, I often struggle replacing the verb believe with the word trust. I wondered why, so I looked up various definitions of the word, trying to get at what scares me so about it.
Trust, defined by Merriam Webster is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, strength, and/or ability of something or someone. It is also the dependence on something future. If I think of trust as belief then I can say with confidence that I trust the following:
I trust love.
I trust my relationships are strong.
I trust vulnerability and openness and know that even if I get wounded or hurt in the process, it is better than closing myself off to people and opportunities.
I am trying to as Jen Lemen writes about trust that it's going to be good.
I trust my sense of morality, of kindness.
I trust language, words, the story.
I trust music, lyrics that move me and rescue me, change my mood.
I trust my secretkeepers, my best friends, and the love of my life.
I trust the process, of writing, learning, growing, understanding.
I trust that every experience teaches me something.
I trust the quiet.
I trust my heart.