let the world pour in

It's been a few weeks since I've given much attention to meditating, to sitting in the quiet and opening my heart. This afternoon, I realized I hadn't read today's message from The Book of Awakening. When I read, I read with a pen, in case I want to underline an important excerpt or come back to a particular passage. Many times during my readings I feel as though I could underline the entirety of the message. I felt that today when Nepo explains the ways that talking a lot can keep others at a safe distance. I may have mentioned this before, but a friend once told me that I could talk forever and never give anything away, never say anything. In the South, the making of a good storyteller is knowing exactly when to give yourself away, at least that is what I learned from the women in my family. I was always scared to offer too much of myself even though, as Nepo suggests, the constant conversation is a way to throw our hearts out there so that we feel less alone and more connected. However, all that talk is unnecessary. All we have to do is keep ourselves open, be who we are and the world will rush in.

For so long, that is precisely what I was afraid of. I can see it my poetry from the past, in the yearning and sadness present in my words then. And now, it's all I can think about, how to stay open and present and authentic, especially when so much is going on in other areas of my life that seem very much the opposite. Last week was terribly overwhelming. I fell behind in almost everything. I was forgetful and terse and came down with an awful migraine. The weekend was much better. This week I leave for a conference in Atlanta with a presentation I'm really excited about and a nice break from the hectic schedule I've been on. I'm determined to arrive openhearted and let the world fill me up.