reverb 11: Surprises

Prompt: Who surprised you? (Kaileen Elise)

To me, a surprise is something unexpected, astonishing or shocking. Surprises can be good and bad. And I write about both. 

Michelle surprises me almost on a daily basis, not in like huge romantic gesture surprises but moreso like I have no idea what the day is going to bring or what she's going to say. She's amazing that way. But I was really surprised by the Memorial Day Weekend engagement surprise. I wasn't completely surprised by the question; we've been together 7 years now and we'd talked about having a wedding. We looked at rings. I was more surprised by how and when she pulled it off. 

I was completely blindsided by my family's reaction and responses. I feel like I've talked at length about this and I feel hesitant to have 2011 represented by this division, but at the same time: it happened and it has defined this year to me, the year I got married and no one in my family showed up. And now we're all supposed to just go on like everything is fine, like it didn't happen. I'm battling this right now: my desire to stand up for myself with my need to make peace. 

I'm still surprised I have to and I'm still really hurt by it. Because for friends and family, you sort out your personal feelings and you don't make them someone else's problem. You figure out a way to show up, even if you don't agree. M's grandfather who has struggled with her being gay found a way to reconcile his feelings and attend our ceremony, dressed as a pirate as part of our theme. I make excuses for my family's lack of participation and I shrug and I try to work through it, and I don't know how I'm going to let it go. I am working on it but I'm continuously surprised by my own reactions, my anger.

I am, however, incredibly grateful and a bit surprised by the outpouring of love we felt that day from those who were there and who have loved and supported and been there for us when we needed them. Thank you.