shutting it out
You can turn it off. It’s like a button you can press. I mean, Stefan is different, he wants the whole human experience. He wants to feel every episode of How I Met your Mother. So he shuts his feelings out. The problem is, as a vampire, your instinct is not to feel. Isobel chose the easier road. No guilt, no shame. No regret. I mean, c’mon. If you could turn it off, wouldn’t you?
It's an interesting consideration, isn't it?
I spent many years trying to shut out feelings, trying not to get too close and perhaps, in some ways, straining against all that was good about me. I lost some humanity of my own. It took some effort before I even wanted to be present in my life, before I wanted to shake off the numbness. The numbness was familiar and safe, controllable. It's easy to slip into it when I'm overwhelmed and lost. I don't notice the vibe I'm giving off or the sharpness in my voice. In not feeling, I'm as bitchy and cruel as Isobel and I don't even realize it.
On a daily basis, I think that I'm overly emotional. I worry and fret and turn it all over in my mind. I've written about this before. As I've said before, I hate how I feel when I'm anxious and the problem is, I don't always recognize that I'm beginning to feel so, well... consumed. I guess there's a little more of the numbness that lingers than I expected.
If you could, would you shut it out?