newness

It's practically the third week of classes and I'm still adjusting. I should be used to being the new kid, having moved every 3 years for most of my life. But I got comfortable in graduate school. There were sets of expectations and while sometimes it took a while to become aware of everyone's agenda, I always remained "just a graduate student." I could excuse myself from situations; I could not be involved. I was secure in my position, in understanding what was required of me. As a graduate student my life was far from simple and I don't mean to imply that everything was smooth sailing or easy. It certainly wasn't. I struggled for the first two years of my program, trying to find a place to belong among my peers and in my course of study. But once I found it, the last two years of my Ph.D. program I felt, for the most part, that I knew my role and was comfortable and confident in it.

Becoming the new kid once again is an adjustment for me. I'm never sure how much to contribute via email, listservs and forums. I'm never sure exactly what to say in meetings. I'm the youngest in the department in age and experience. But then again there's something about my perspective that they needed which is why they hired me.

So the past few weeks I've been getting my footing. I haven't been writing here because I'm adjusting to my new schedule and I haven't been sure what to say. I haven't read any blogs in 2 weeks. I'm still learning how to manage my time and with about an hour commute a day by the time I get home I want to eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep. Doesn't leave much time for blogging. But once things get settled down I'll be able to get back to it. Because all this stuff swirling around in my head needs somewhere to go.