dear t-mobile automated system

I have never been very fond of you, mostly because you never seem to understand me. You expect me to sound like you and the assumption that I should be static and robotic is offensive. I realize you might not be accustomed to my Southern drawl but I certainly don't think that "Representative" sounds like "Check my Balance." Perhaps you speak a language that is more akin to sonar or a code that somehow takes words I actually say and rearranges them in a different order. I don't know exactly why you won't just listen to me.

I dread calling because you always frustrate me. I find myself shouting and cursing at you irrationally, which you simply ignore saying, "I'm sorry; I could not understand you." I'm sure you don't understand anything I am saying here.

Well, understand this: you suck.

Love,
Devon

*I'm practicing writing letters in preparation for possibly guest writing for To Whom it May Concern. I'll keep you updated on that.