mediocrity

This week has been one of transitions: first week of classes and the first week of puppy; it's almost been to much to bear. I thought I knew how much work a dog would be. And in some ways I was prepared for the physical walking, the waking up to take her out to pee, ignoring the whining from the crate, etc. But I had no idea how exhausting patience can be. I've never been a very patient person. I want what I want when I want it. I've been learning to become a more patient friend and teacher. The patience required for children or for puppies learning what is right and wrong, however, I don't know if I have.

I try to do much too soon. I have ridiculous expectations for myself and others. And then I'm disappointed when things do not go as planned. This is a pattern I've been working to be break because I see how destructive it is. My therapist asked me this week: "What about being mediocre?" I laughed. I laughed because I don't even know what that would look like for me. I've been motivated by this need to excel but what excellence means for me is most likely impossible to achieve. And really, how motivating can that be?

So I'm trying to just be okay. To write an okay chapter. And I'm trying to expect "okayness" from others, including the dog.