learning to breathe

I've been a busy traveler lately, in and out of airports. I'd been planning this trip to Alabama for so long that it almost seems unreal that I am here. Right now, I'm in Birmingham at my brother's. For the first time in a very long time, on a trip to see family, I feel relaxed. Actually, I only feel relaxed when it's me and my brother and Joanna or me and my mom and dad. When you throw my mom's mother into the mix, I get incredibly tense. She's always tense, always thinking and planning something. There are never requests with her, but not demands either. She manipulates and guilts you into doing what she wants and then acts like you're the one who made it such a big deal. It's passive agressive at its best; she should give lessons. And I got roped in to spending three days with her in Ft. Walton without Internet access.

The good news is I sent off another draft of my prospectus and I feel that each draft gets me closer and closer to where I need to be in this process. Also, I'm learning to read again, just for me. It started in Daytona and in the airports and I just kept reading, stuff for research and then short stories, novels. It's been so long since I felt like I had time to read because I was interested. I suppose I never realized how badly I needed to relax. How much I needed to breathe. And I try to remind myself of this whenever I feel I'm being bullied into making a decision, but it's difficult.