moving out of the darkness

It's after 12 on a Friday night. My girlfriend is out playing pool with some Chileans and I'm home trying desperately to work on my Watson presentation. The past year or so I've had real trouble pulling my research together into the written form. My writing process has become slow, drudgery. I'd like to pretend that I don't know what happened. But I do. I know exactly when and how I lost my voice. I began to recover slowly in the Spring but lately it's felt so difficult. I guess it was easier in my Master's program to do research and make grand claims. At this level, well.... I feel stuck. It's not that I have no ideas. Oh, I can talk and talk about my ideas. I can abstract you a project like no one's business but when it comes down to actually writing it out. It feels so awkward. I don't remember it feeling like this before.

I could be making this up to make myself feel better but someone told me that before great creativity is this time of stasis. Well, I must be working on something BIG because this is ridiculously static.

In news not having to deal with school, M and I did laundry today without incident. No, I'm serious. This is a big day. I wanted to make note of it. So while it feels like my academic life is some kind of weird dramatic turmoil, at least personally I had a fantastic day. Sigh. I guess you can't have it all.

I spoke with my father yesterday and had a great conversation about being passionate people and the difficulties that come with it. We literally can't work on things that we aren't passionate about. And maybe that's the problem with my research on blogging: I'm kind of over it. But maybe not, on Friday I discovered some research on genre and medium that I thought was really cool. The problem I'm having (I think) is figuring out how to say what I want to say. Believe me I know this seems insane. I can hear my friends now: "Just get something down on paper." Yeah. I know. But that cursor blinking at me makes me feel all weird inside.

I haven't been reading blogs. I have barely updated this one. And when I do post, it's pretty much self-indulgent. I haven't read a poem in weeks nor posted one. What is to be done?

Sleep.