okay will have to suffice

Because my parents are arriving M and I majorly cleaned the apartment. All except the bedroom because we can shut the door. Both of our cars are full of stuff from my old apartment but it will all be cleared out soon. (Before M leaves for South Africa). I am exhausted emotionally and physically from the heroic efforts to have a guest room ready and a very clean kitchen and bathroom and living area. What else can they expect, really.

What this process has taught me is that I can control nothing. That everything, including living spaces are works in progress. That sometimes what you manage to do is all that can be done. These are difficult lessons for me. Ones that I should apply to my intellectual work as well. Recently I had lunch with Hillary who told me to get out of my own way. Well, if I could do that I wouldn't need therapy. =) I know I get so wrapped up that I can't see clearly that I'm already on a track, a path. I have a direction, it just takes me longer to realize it, to validate it, to accept it as my own. Hillary said this is supposed to be exhilarating. Hmmmm.... I don't know about that. What I do is that I make things more difficult and in a way, that has become part of the process for me. Only sometimes it works against me. Most times, probably.

Oren convinced me to send an abstract to ACA/PCA this year and now I really want to get accepted, especially since I submitted the work I did on Frankenstein and the body. While reading back over the paper, I realized I really liked that particular project. And I realized it's okay to like your own work. Just not too much. Now, if I could generate some comp syntheses and finish my autobiography I would feel amazing. For now, okay, will have to do.