After the wedding she sent me a card telling me how fantastic my advice had been and how happy she was. "We don't hear from you, much," she wrote, "how are you?"
I admit I never wrote her back. When I got my Master's she emailed me a Congratulations and asked about my future plans. I wrote back explaining the PhD program I would enter and how I would teach and research, take classes etc.. The last time I heard from her she wrote,
You were right the day of my wedding, it is really nice to have someone there when it falls apart. You're very intuitive. I often felt during our times at South that I didn't make a bigger effort to be part of your life. I regret that and hope that you know how much I care for you. You always had more creativity than you knew what to do with. Though you do not need it, Good Luck.
In that moment, I realized that I'd been running from not just romantic relationships but ALL relationships. My friends never knew things about me like my favorite song or my favorite cartoon show growing up. They never understand why I liked the song or the show. Or why I can't eat lettuce on my sandwiches or burgers, only in salads. They never heard the story about the tapeworm, or how I wouldn't take off my WonderWoman pajamas so my mom had to take me to the grocery store in what appeared like underclothes. They never knew not because they didn't ask me to share but because I never let anyone in. Someone once told me I could tell a million stories and you'd never know anything about me.
It's strange when you realize how much effort goes into friendships.
I suppose I've been learning, slowly how to let people in. Perhaps the adventure can be within. If that's true then my adventure has been opening up in ways that seem natural to most people but feel very foreign to me.