it really does hurt

The truth is painful. Sometimes it hits you so hard you lose your breath. When you discover this because of something you're writing, it's difficult to believe you never got it before. This feeling, for me, is happening as I revise my class narrative. As I strip away the layers of half-truths laid over my childhood by other people, by my own mis-recollections. It's like throwing aside 50 quilts that have felt so heavy, you wondered how to get out from under them. And then one day, you just get up. The air is so different, it shocks you.

It seems so simple. It seems so clear when the words hang on the page. Of course, you think. Of course, this is how it was/is/can be really. Everything else before this led me here. Of course, of course.