i can't spell it but i feel it

Today in Cultural Studies, we talked about writing papers. We discussed our questions, apprehensions, fears, etc. and got some advice, which was so helpful. Then after class,I talked with CB about my possible paper. He made me feel much better about my writing. I feel relieved to know that I don't suck. You may be thinking, "of course you don't." But in graduate programs, you begin to doubt yourself. Sometimes it's in direct correlation to a teacher's comments; sometimes it's because you feel like you have no voice anymore that it's been drowned out by the theorists you're trying to imitate and learn from. This is where I am, struggling to find out how I say things and how theory can help me say them. We talked openly in class about this today.

Then in my meeting he assured me that i write well. I sat back and exhaled. And we just sat in that moment. "You needed to hear that, huh?" he asked me.
"Definitely." I said, "I've been feeling very lost."
He nodded in understanding and I thought for the first time in a long time, "My god, I can do this."

I can't tell you how much better I feel right now. It's like a huge backpack of all my insecurities and fears disappeared. I know they will be back. But I hope I can hang on to this moment before they do. I want to find pleasure in my writing again. Pleasure in working out ideas and if anyone is going to provide support for that, it's him.

Thank you, Oren for insisting I take this class and encouraging me.

I think I can breathe, today, a little better.