I won't always love these selfish things

M has been trying to figure out a way to go to ALA (The American Library Association) Conference in New Orleans this summer. She lamented it would take too much money to drive, pay for a hotel, if she could find would and pay the conference fees, especially since she's not on the job market until next year and she's going to South Africa.

Well today talking to a group of library students they invited her along with them, to share the rental car and stay with them in a hostel, which is great. She's so excited about the prospect of going with people she knows from school and having that whole experience.

So, why do I feel left out? Is it because I have tried to make sure she accompanies me on my conference outings, if at all possible? Is it because NO is like 2 1/2 hours from my hometown and I'm hopelessly homesick and it'd be cool to spend some time with my family while she's at the conference? I don't know. I just felt instantly like the wind was knocked out of my sails and it was hard to breathe.

Of course she can do things without me. One of the things I like about her is her independence from me, the way when we go out she isn't glued to my side, the way she has her own friends, her own life that is separate from me.

Why would she need to consider me for a 4 day trip that is a library thing? And yet, I somehow wanted to be included.