having it both ways

The thing they never show on television when they show snow is the days after when the snow turns dark and gross or the roads not plowed all icy, begging for you and your car to slide and fall all over them. If they showed that there would be no longing for snow they way I used to as a Southern girl when it was 70 degrees on Christmas Day. No White Christmasses for me. Today is 60 degrees and windy in Alabama, according to my Grandmother. The allure of snow cannot outweigh the longing I have to be in t-shirts and jeans and not spend 25 minutes scraping ice off my car. Of course, the summer heat in Alabama is stifling and oppressive. I certainly do not miss that.

I took my second comprehensive exam today. I liked the question because it had practical applications. I just hope I was convincing. The funny thing about writing these kinds of responses is that there is no way to judge how well you did. People ask, "How'd it go?" and I never know how to respond. I mean sure, I have a feeling that I didn't totally bomb. I wrote for four hours, surely there's something there. But because two readers will read the answers and decide your fate, you cannot determine how well or not well you wrote. I admit, this answer was tougher for me in terms of actually crafting a response. I am not sure why. I think because the research and my approach to the topic seem so obvious to me. I've been living with the research for a while now and so it is difficult to articulate and feel like I've actually said something. Like my last exam, I think there are some shining moments where what I'm doing feels important. And I think there are ways for some of the issues I raise to show up in my dissertation. At this point, I don't know exactly how but I can feel that there's something there.

 I am excited about my specialization question. It seems useful and progressive. I can tell, finally, that my advisor "gets" the questions and theories I want to explore. So while, my bank account dwindles and I worry frantically about having enough money to pay the bills, school seems to be going well.

I guess you can't have it both ways. And really, that's what I've been talking about all along.