CJ Jeney posted this to the WPA listserv and it cracked me up so much, I had to share it with my readers, all 4 of you. CJ discusses how the Muppets would appear on the academic job market.
Kermit has Charm. If Kermit were on the job market, I'd want very much
to hire him. If he were interviewing me, I'd beg to come to work on the
lily pad with him.
Miss Piggy has Etiquette. She does the right thing by rote (not by
nature), often burns bridges because she is grasping and short-sighted,
and like many academics, she shoots herself in the foot because she's
willing to stab anyone in the back (mix metaphors much?). If she were on
the job market, I'd consider hiring her because she delivers, but I'd
feel uneasy. If she were interviewing me, I'd be afraid. Very afraid.
Animal has Style. I dig Animal. He's got chops. I'd hire him in a
second. If he were interviewing me, I wouldn't understand a word he was
saying, but we've all faced guys like that across the table at MLA.
Gotta love 'em.
Seems like we're all green, it ain't easy being us, job search season is
rough at both ends, and sometimes the best we can hope for is that the
folks in charge will move the sticks and strings gently.